I think I am morally bankrupt
what day is it and did you see me today?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
