haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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