turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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