at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
