Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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