Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
