that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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