big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
