Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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