He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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