I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
