Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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