Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
