yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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