alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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