So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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