i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
