it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
