I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
