Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
