well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
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you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize