I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
