The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
