just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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