Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dear god my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
