I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
