i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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