break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
