I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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