he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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