Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
