i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
