I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
