i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
