exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
