They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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