I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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