Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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