she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
