You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
