you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
