We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
