i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
