So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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