i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was like eating out sand paper
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
