really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
