don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
