Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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