He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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