I wannas sexs uuuuu
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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