you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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