shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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