So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
