Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
