youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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