I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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