Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think my moral compass just broke
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize