There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
