I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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