I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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