you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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