Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
