ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
