I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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