Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
