i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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