I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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