my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
