You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
