PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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