I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
