I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
