Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
