You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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