Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
