is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
